Then I realized I have misplaced my debit card.
Life feels sucky again.
* * *
Update on all of this...
After much contemplation and time... I shared the following on Facebook....
REAL. (long post) Facebook is kind of my blog, and I don't mind sharing, being real, and putting it out there. In my last post, near the end, I wrote, "God is good all the time and I feel happy and blessed." The comment has hit a sour chord with me, and I would like to explain myself better. First, I feel like with this comment it sounds like I am saying, I am happy... so God is good. That is not what I mean to be saying. I have a cousin who has been battling with emotional and physical pain for 3 years now. I have a friend dealing with frustration in her job situation. I have other friends and acquaintances who are dealing with varying degrees of awful stuff... Is God good, all the time? I am saying, Yes, He is, even through all that awfulness. God is the Giver... NOT the Taker.
A month and a half ago I was battling with the worst depression I can
remember. No, I didn't have a bottle of pills in front of me, or a gun
in my hand... but I felt I could have very easily. My mindset was, "What
is the point? What purpose do I have?" I felt hurt, confused, alone....
but mostly abandoned. Abandoned by God because I couldn't see what He
wanted me to do, or which way He was directing my path. I was not
thinking, "God is good all the time."
I was in Madera, CA. It was hitting over 80*. It was too hot to stay in the van, so I drove to a park and started to walk around. I saw a gentleman playing Frisbee golf, and I asked if I could tag along because I had never seen anyone actually play the game. We ended up talking for over an hour.... about his work, his family's travels, the politics and taxes in California. There were no spiritual or personally encouraging tidbits, but it WAS the connection with humanity that I needed. Later, I looked in a couple stores for a beginning set of Frisbee Golf disks. I couldn't find any but made up my mind to return to the park, play a round with my Aerobie ring, and then head north back to Oregon.
God had not abandoned me. He was still protecting me and guiding my steps. It was my own expectations of how and when and what I thought His direction should be that was getting in the way. God IS good. God is good ALL the time... even if we don't see it in the moment.
God loves you, He is for you... don't ever doubt it. God is the Giver. Amen
If you need prayer or encouragement. ... pls contact me ♥
My only goal in life when I left Madera, was to take Grandma Snoonie's picture to G's graduation because I know how very happy she would have been to see him graduate from a university*. With that in mind, I decided to buzz through Klamath and settle in the Corvallis/Albany area, close enough to spend some time with my son before he took off to Sweden.
Oh, and I did find my debit card in a rather short amount of time.
:)
* My dad never graduated high school. He dropped out in the 10th grade. He did go back after his time in the Merchant Marines at the end of WWII, but got very sick and was unable to complete his classes. My mom graduated with high grades from Lindblom High School in the Chicago area, but never attended college. She only asked for me to attend one semester of community college, and was prouder than proud when I graduated 2 years later with an Associate of Arts degree with a Photo-Journalism certificate. Seeing her grandson graduate from a University with 3 Bachelor degrees in Business and a minor in Information Technology would have been truly wonderful for her.
* * *
UPDATE: I came through with my goal!
I was in Madera, CA. It was hitting over 80*. It was too hot to stay in the van, so I drove to a park and started to walk around. I saw a gentleman playing Frisbee golf, and I asked if I could tag along because I had never seen anyone actually play the game. We ended up talking for over an hour.... about his work, his family's travels, the politics and taxes in California. There were no spiritual or personally encouraging tidbits, but it WAS the connection with humanity that I needed. Later, I looked in a couple stores for a beginning set of Frisbee Golf disks. I couldn't find any but made up my mind to return to the park, play a round with my Aerobie ring, and then head north back to Oregon.
God had not abandoned me. He was still protecting me and guiding my steps. It was my own expectations of how and when and what I thought His direction should be that was getting in the way. God IS good. God is good ALL the time... even if we don't see it in the moment.
God loves you, He is for you... don't ever doubt it. God is the Giver. Amen
If you need prayer or encouragement. ... pls contact me ♥
My only goal in life when I left Madera, was to take Grandma Snoonie's picture to G's graduation because I know how very happy she would have been to see him graduate from a university*. With that in mind, I decided to buzz through Klamath and settle in the Corvallis/Albany area, close enough to spend some time with my son before he took off to Sweden.
Oh, and I did find my debit card in a rather short amount of time.
:)
* My dad never graduated high school. He dropped out in the 10th grade. He did go back after his time in the Merchant Marines at the end of WWII, but got very sick and was unable to complete his classes. My mom graduated with high grades from Lindblom High School in the Chicago area, but never attended college. She only asked for me to attend one semester of community college, and was prouder than proud when I graduated 2 years later with an Associate of Arts degree with a Photo-Journalism certificate. Seeing her grandson graduate from a University with 3 Bachelor degrees in Business and a minor in Information Technology would have been truly wonderful for her.
* * *
UPDATE: I came through with my goal!