If I Could Blast the Past....

... would I?

My ex-boyfriend, who I went with for basically 11 years just celebrated his 24th wedding anniversary with his second wife, and is extremely happy in the life he has with her, his 4 grown children, and 3 great-granchildren so far.

At times when I am feeling alone, I wonder, what would it have been like if we had gotten married way back then?  He seriously asked me to marry him 4 times... and each time, I did not say yes.  Seems we were in love with each other often over the years... it just was never at the same time.  And I wasn't of the mind to settle down yet, wanting to somehow travel.  He was buying his first home back then, so we didn't do a whole lot of going out, but we went camping and waterskiing.... he said we were, "Two outgoing people who don't go out much."  lol

I think we could have done okay.  Oh, we would have had our up and downs...we always had them over the course of our relationship.  But I think we would have made it work and stuck together through the difficult times.

I think we would have lived the life he has lived. He's been very successful in his career, and has made enough money to enjoy home ownership, building a new pool, and all the toys:  boats, motor homes, cabin in the mountains, motorcycles, vacations, concerts and fun.

All of that seems very wonderful.  Sometimes I wish I really had all of that.  But I realize to have all of that, I wouldn't have seen and done all of the things I have in my life.  If I could go back and say "Yes" just once.... is that the way my life should have gone?  Knowing what I know now, would I have said "Yes" just one of those times?

For one thing, none of our current children would have been born.  I do believe we would have had plenty of blond haired, blue eyed babies of our own, but I could never say goodbye to mine, and would never dream of asking him to say goodbye to his.  I would never have traveled as I have been able to.  He would have never known, heartache with a failed first marriage, or the love of the wonderful woman he has now.  I would not know what divorce is all about.

What if I could make the decision to go back right now, but not remember any of this life...  on those terms, I might do it.  Go back and be married to him.  It would have been a good life for the both of us I am sure.  I was a pretty good wife, and a great mom.  He is a loyal, hardworking husband and a great dad.  Yeah, we would have done okay :)

But I can't go back.  None of us can.  I made my choice years ago.  And I guess, despite the rough times, it has been a good path for me.

If you could Blast The Past.... would you?


:)