What You Never Hope For...

We arrived at the hospital at 11:15am, and my mother passed at 5:15pm.

I don't want to share with you the details because they are private, and I am still sorting them out myself.

Although she opened her eyes, she wasn't able to actually react in any way.  However, I know she knew I was there, and I know she was happy I was there.  I am her only child... she was my only Mom.

I could tell my mom hurt to be touched, and I wanted to hold her hand so badly, to assure her, but all I could do was kinda smooth her brow and kiss her on her forehead.  I told her how much I loved her, and asked her forgiveness for any hurt I had caused her.  I said if she felt she had anything to apologize for, I forgave her too.  She and I had a really good relationship, although strained at times, but I really don't feel that anything was left unsaid between us.  We had love for each other, and I was going to miss her, but planned to meet up with her in time.

I think back now on the afternoon and wonder if I really said everything I wanted to say?  Did I quell any fears she might have had by assuring her enough?  Did I actually pray?  I do know I told her how much I loved her, and was glad she had been my mom.

It was an experience you never hope to have... losing a loved one.  But it was something I embraced full on. I am so glad I got to spend those last few hours with her.  I was kinda leaning over and had my face close to hers, and I can just hear her, someday when we meet in Heaven, saying, "Gah! and you had your face right in my face the whole time!" and we'll laugh.  But I wanted to be "right there" and not miss a moment of the what was happening... that is just kinda how I am anyway with life.

One nurse told us that the brain lives on for 3 minutes after the body.  When I knew she had breathed her last, I looked up to the ceiling and said, "Tell them all we said hi! Mom."

We spent a little bit more time in the room, and then we gathered her things, and my dad and I walked out together.  I can't remember now what we said, or how we acted, but we made our way home, and put something together for dinner.

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