Autumn Plans... MORE TO COME

Look how tall the desert has made me!

 

Each Day...

Dad has his morning routine while I sleep.  He has coffee with his Elk's buddies, then goes for a walk.  Then either goes to one of a multitude of places for breakfast, or comes home and makes breakfast.  He does any running around in the morning while it is still fairly cool.  Then he comes home, turns on the Turner Classic Movie channel and snoozes.

I get up later.  I make my coffee. We talk about what needs to be accomplished today, like getting cat food, or something for dinner.  Later he researches which direction we are going for our geocache.  By the time we get home from our evening excursions, we might watch a little TV, and then we goes to bed around 9, and I stay up until all hours.

That's our daily structure.  We spend time with each other, but we aren't totally in each others way.  It also gives each of us private space to grieve and I for sure wanted him to have that privacy.

So yesterday we had Chili Dog Casserole which encompasses all ingredients of a chili dog, but it's easier to eat, on a plate with a fork.  Then I had to get some stuff at Walmart so he picked a couple geocaches out in that direction.  We found one, and scoped out the other.  We went to Walmart, and then returned to the area to fly my kite.  While I had the kite up, he played around on this Indian flute he had in the car.  It was funny, but I think it proves that we will both be OK.

Today, we headed to Taco Bell for dinner, because the Arizona Diamondbacks made over 6 runs in last night's game with the Cincinnati Reds :)  Unfortunately they still lost 7 - 10.  But when the D's get 6 runs or more, Taco Bell gives you three free tacos if you purchase a large drink!  So for just $2.17, we each had dinner!

Then I tripped on over to the Dollar Store to check out what they had.  I tried returning some of the unused extra frames I purchased and they don't do refunds, only exchanges.  So I got some paint brushes, coconut water, Arizona Green Tea, Butter Toffee Fiddle Faddle, some candy I plan to send to Zara, and a can of sardines.  Still have 5 items to exchange.

Then we went by the movie theatre on Swanson and found our #22 of 31 geocache.  We had to have a picture of ourselves with these guys we met...

Before we totally drove up the hill for home, we stopped at the grocery store and I picked up some cat food... I knew there was something else I wanted at Walmart yesterday!!

* * *

Friday found us at Mad Dog's for their All-You-Can-Eat Fish and Chips.  It was pretty good for $9,95.  We both like the grilled fish over the battered and fried, and we both had an extra piece or two.  Before dinner we tried to find a micro, but couldn't.  We think it was gone.  So after dinner we set out for another, but got sidetracked to see the fishing dock at Mesquite Bay North.  I used my Geocaching App on my Droid 3 and found there was a cache there, so we looked for it, and made it our find #23 of 31.

The sunset was beautiful over the lake.

* * *

Saturday's sunrise was blocked by clouds...

Just a short while later, it began to lightning and thunder and rain like crazy!  It was all very exciting.  Dad had done his walk and had stopped for coffee at McDonald's but it was raining so hard, he texted me, that he couldn't get back to his car.  Then when he was able to, he was blocked on his way home by a wash overflowing which had stopped traffic, so he went back and around to get home.  Fun times!

Later we got two caches, one had a beautiful view of the lake... and the rain beyond...

Then we went home and watched NASCAR, and had chicken pot pies for dinner.

* * *

Sunday was quiet. We didn't get to church, although I had planned on it.  Dad read on the back porch while he baked a pumpkin pie, and I cleaned out some of the van and vacuumed it's floor.  Dad made great salads for dinner with ham, cheese and hard boiled egg, etc.  So yummy!

Then I went out to sign on a cache we had found previously... a little cheating, but we really don't see it that way because we DID find it together before... and also went back to Walmart for a little shopping.  Couldn't find my list, so I guessed some, but I think I got everything I need for the couple of gifts I plan to make for some special peeps, inspired by Pinterest.

* * *

I didn't sleep well Sunday night, but finally fell asleep around 7am and ended up sleeping until 3pm.  My schedule is so messed up!!

It was a cooking class for dinner tonight as I taught Dad how to cook swai fish the way I do... easy and yummy.  You can get swai fish fillets frozen at Walmart.  It is a white fish and very mild.  I just simmer it in water with a little lemon juice, not covered, and topped with lemon pepper.  Turn it over and make sure it's cooked through... takes about 15 minutes.  Serve with a dollop of sour cream and freshly made salsa:  chopped tomatoes, onion, cilantro and lime juice... season to taste with salt and pepper.

We got a late start to find our cache because my best bud C.J. called during dinner with some dire issues that needed to be talked through,  but Dad and I caught our #26 before the sun totally set.

:)

As Soon As Possible...

Last week, I made a lunch date with my mom's best friend to celebrate her birthday.  My mom had planned to take her out, but they never got the opportunity.  I wanted to make good on that celebration.  When I called her, I said, "you pick the place and the date, my treat!"  She said, "how about tomorrow?"

I guess when you are in your late 70's, 80's and upwards, you don't put things off two weeks down the line... you do them as soon as possible.  We should all be like this, especially with the fun things.  Yes, plan on doing the fun things as soon as possible!  :)

So, this evening when we were out geocaching, I took my kite!

Flying my kite renews my soul.

It makes me happy to fly my kite, because I know it makes my kite happy.

I am a happy girl now.

:)

Somewhere...

I have lost my steam, and my self-esteem.  I think I am missing my prayer warrior.  Or something.

I don't feel very confident in my abilities, and I have forgotten that I too have lived an almost perfect day.

I need to remind myself... want to come along?


Hey Sue... remember this day?  You were so scared to be out on your own, but it was such a relaxing day...

You had fun with these people...  some you knew and some you just met!...

And remember this day?

"Of course, I read the tide table incorrectly and showed up precisely at the wrong time... low tide.  You want to crab about two hours before high tide to about an hour after.  The water is not rushing and they are not digging themselves in.  So I had some time on my hands, so I went down to the south jetty beach and looked for rocks, flew my kite for the first time, and took a nap! "

It was practically a perfect day because later on, you caught two crabs on a free fishing day, and had them cooked up and wow! what a dinner!!


Sue... look at these pictures, aren't they beautiful?  You were there...

Remember what you felt when you were here?

* * *

AHA!  It's just dawned on me... I need to go out and fly my kite!  THAT will certainly lift my spirits!

 

:)

Grief...

There are many phases to grief, and it is best to understand them.  A person needs to travel through all the stages to come out on the other side a healthy, whole person.

Here is a good article from WebMD...

When you lose someone or something dear to you, it's natural to feel pain and grief. The grief process is a very normal response, and most people experience it. But when grief encompasses your life and you begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless, then it's time to talk to your doctor about grief and depression.

What Is Grief?

Grief is a natural response to death or loss. Each year, between 5% and 9% of the population sustain the loss of a close family member. But that's not the only kind of loss that can cause grief. People can feel loss when:

• They become separated from a loved one
• They lose a job, position, or income
• A pet dies or runs away
• Kids leave home
• They experience a major change in life such as getting a divorce, moving, or retiring

While we all experience grief and loss, each of us is unique in the ways we cope with our feelings.

Some people have healthy coping skills. They are able to experience grief without losing sight of their daily responsibilities. The grieving process is an opportunity for someone to appropriately mourn a loss and then heal. It's facilitated by acknowledging grief, allowing time for grief to work, and finding support.

Other people, however, don't have the coping mechanisms or support they need. That lack actually hinders the grieving process.

How Do People React to Grief and Loss?

There are specific stages of grief. They reflect common reactions people have as they try to make sense of a loss. An important part of the healing process is experiencing and accepting the feelings that come as a result of the loss. Here are the common stages of grief that people go through:

• Denial, numbness, and shock: Numbness is a normal reaction to a death or loss and should never be confused with "not caring." This stage of grief helps protect the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss. It can actually be useful when the grieving person has to take some action such as planning a funeral, notifying relatives, or reviewing important papers. As the individual moves through the experience and slowly acknowledges its impact, the initial denial and disbelief will diminish.
• Bargaining: This stage of grief may be marked by persistent thoughts about what "could have been done" to prevent the death or loss. Some people become obsessed with thinking about specific ways things could have been done differently to save the person's life or prevent the loss. If this stage of grief is not dealt with and resolved, the individual may live with intense feelings of guilt or anger that can interfere with the healing process.
• Depression: In this stage of grief, people begin to realize and feel the true extent of the death or loss. Common signs of depression in this stage include difficulty sleeping, poor appetite, fatigue, lack of energy, and crying spells. The individual may also experience self-pity and feel lonely, isolated, empty, lost, and anxious.
• Anger: This stage of grief is common. It usually occurs when an individual feels helpless and powerless. Anger can stem from a feeling of abandonment because of a death or loss. Sometimes the individual is angry at a higher power, at the doctors who cared for the loved one, or toward life in general.
• Acceptance: In time, an individual can move into this stage of grief and come to terms with all the emotions and feelings that were experienced when the death or loss occurred. Healing can begin once the loss becomes integrated into the individual's set of life experiences.

Throughout a person's lifetime, he or she may return to some of the earlier stages of grief, such as depression or anger. Because there are no rules or time limit to the grieving process, each individual's healing process will be different.

What Can Get in the Way of the Healing Process?

There are factors that may impede or slow down the healing process following a death or loss. They include:

• Avoiding emotions
• Compulsive behaviors
• Minimizing feelings
• Overworking on the job
• Self-medicating with drugss, alcohol, or other substances

What Factors Might Help Resolve Grief?

Here are some tactics that can be used to help resolve grief:

• Acknowledge and accept both positive and negative feelings.
• Allow plenty of time to experience thoughts and feelings.
• Confide in a trusted person about the loss.
• Express feelings openly or write journal entries about them.
• Find bereavement groups in which there are other people who have had similar losses.
• Remember that crying can provide a release.
• Seek professional help if feelings are overwhelming.

What Can I Do if my Grief Won't Resolve?

If grief continues and produces a prolonged and deep depression with physical symptoms such as poor sleep, loss of appetite, weight loss, and even thoughts of suicide, you may have a condition known as complicated grief and should talk with your doctor as soon as possible.

Sometimes, a major depression can develop along with the reactive depression associated with grief. Whereas depression as part of a grief reaction may subside after several months, major depression is a medical disorder and requires treatment to be resolved.

* * * 

Once you have read through that, you understand that their are stages, and each and every one of us has to process through each stage.  Sometimes it takes a long time.  Sometimes we return to stages we may not have actually completed. 

I am writing this because I am trying to find my way.  I thought I was doing ok, but I also feel like I am going through a type of depression.  I feel heavy.  I feel a little lost.

My plan was to travel until October and then move to where my folks were, as the weather would be a little more tolerable for me here in Arizona.  Now I don't know what my plans are, and on top of that, my financial situation has changed for the worse, and it could get even more worse. 

I most definitely need to start working, but I don't know where to settle.

* * *

Denial, numbness, shock.  I think it all happened so quickly.  It was unexpected.  I am so glad I was able to spend those last hours with my mom, and I think she was glad that I was there.  It was an experience I met full on, and wouldn't have had it any other way.  I believe I felt that numbness and shock in the first two days.  It was hard to be here in her home, without her. 

Bargaining.  I thought there may have been some things my mother knew and wasn't telling me.  I had an hour long meeting with her general doctor, and yes, there were some things.  She made her own choices, and actually kudos to her for doing so.  I wish she had made other choices, but it wasn't my place to make them for her.  I couldn't have changed any of this.

Depression.  This must be the stage I am currently in.  I have other factors that are not helping as well.

Anger.  I am mad at her for not being more honest with me because I would have come to spend more time with her if I had known.  I know she was happy for me doing what I was doing, and knowing her, she didn't want to interrupt that.  I think maybe she hadn't thought it all out, and really didn't understand that things were going the way they were going for her.  I am also upset with her that she never tried to rewrite her life story which she lost on a computer which is now gone.  I only have her file folder of notes.  And that she never filled out the Grandma book I gave her 18 years ago, and now cannot find at all.  (I really can't believe she just got rid of it!)  There are some other memory items that I have thought of and cannot find and that makes me nuts that she would have gotten rid of them without letting me know.

Acceptance.  I guess I will get there.

* * *

But I wonder if life should stop while you are grieving, or can life continue? or even expand?  My dad says they were making plans of trips they wanted to take, things they wanted to see, but now, he says he is not interested in going to those places.  I say it will take time.  He said he had no problem going out on his own before he met my mother... camping and fishing and stuff.  I asked him if doing what we have been doing for the past two weeks, is what he wants to do for the next ten years.  I think he gave that some thought.

I am proud of his routine, going to meet the guys at the Elks for coffee and then going for a walk.  He goes out for breakfast then, or comes home and cooks.  He is learning about online banking and checking his credit card transactions on the internet.  He is doing good.  He wants to leave things around the house the way they are, but he has also moved a few things around.  He goes to the store and we alternate cooking dinner.

Today we talked about him going to So. Cal to see his daughters, maybe for the holidays.  That is good.  He is thinking ahead.  Had my mother been left behind, I don't think she would have done so well.  She most likely would have just stayed in the house and kept to her reading and TV shows, and soon would have probably needed some kind of care.

Life does go on.  It has to.  You can't just stand still and wait for all of this to transpire on it's own.  You have to work it in among the day to day duties of living.  You progress, and you may re-gress a bit, but you make your way through, and you learn and you grow and you become a better person because of the experience.

I'll get there.

:)

As The World Turns... MORE TO COME

Back to the Airport...

Rose early for the long drive to the airport in Vegas.

Older son was leaving at 11:40am and the younger was leaving at 3:40pm.  Grandpa drove us and he was able time to spend with each grandson in the front seat.

I am glad I taught my sons to pack their own bags when they were fairly young because they have packed a lot of travel bags in their lives so far.  I can let them out at the curb at the airport with a hug and a smooch, and they can walk towards the entrance doors with confidence and a sense of upcoming adventure.  It feels like a mother's job well done :)

Got the first one where he needed to be, and then we had some time, so Grandpa took us on a tour.  First stop... the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop of PAWN STARS.

Fun to be there, some interesting things in the cases, like this jeweled watch for $52,000...  (camera pic a little blurry)

I wanted to go back to try taking a better pic of this watch, and this guy comes in and is interested in buying it...  His name is Charlie Wilson ...a singer/songwriter (in the white)  We left before we found out if he actually purchased it.  The gal behind the counter was going to find out exactly how many carats it held.

Then we went to Fremont Street, where the Old Vegas downtown is.  We walked around and looked for the casino with the shrimp cocktail deal, and checked out some of the older casinos...

Way yummy for 99 cents!...

We be tourists!...

My mom would not want us to stop living or stop being happy because she has gone on.  She knew we would have our times of sadness, but she wouldn't want us to be mopey or crying all the time.  It would have been great if she could have shared this afternoon with us... but she has gone on to a happier and more peaceful place.  I think my mom would have been pleased that we were out having some silly times.

We dropped the younger one at the airport and headed back to Havasu.  We got home with enough time to research another close geocache and found our Day #11 of the 31 Days of Geocaching Challenge that we have dedicated to Mom.

:)

Memory Table, A Gift to My Mom...

I wanted to do something different at the memorial service luncheon for my mom.  I didn't just want a single picture... that didn't tell about her life.  So I put together about 30 pictures and a few other items to share her life story with the attendees.  I used three tables.  Lavender was my mom's favorite color, and the white is to represent a river, the flow of her life.  I added lavender and white glass beads to make it sparkle.  I hope she would have liked what I did...

 

Sylvia had a wide variety of interests and hobbies throughout her life. She enjoyed reading, TV soap operas, was Jeff Gordon's #1 Fan in Nascar and was an avid jigsaw puzzle fan. This was the last puzzle she finished and it took quite a while, but she did it!

 

Ocie and Sylvia met in 1976 at square dance class, went out for a cup of coffee, and were married three years later. There were together for over 33 years. Early in their relationship she told Ocie that circus folks don't have elephants with their trunks down because that was bad luck. Ocie made the mistake of saying, "You can't find elephants with their trunks up." These are the first elephants she gave him to prove him wrong. His collection now numbers well over 160!

Because of Ocie’s aviation career, they made 8 major moves in 10 years. They lived in Sun Valley, CA, San Jose, CA, Manheim and Wiesbaden, Germany, El Paso, TX, Salinas, CA and back to Sun Valley. When Ocie retired, they moved to Lake Havasu City.
Ocie and Sylvia were also to enjoy cruises to the Carribean islands, Jamaica, Tahiti, Alaska and Hawaii.

At the end of the table I placed this little item, a gift to my parents from somewhere along the way...

In the underside of it, is this scripture...

Isaiah 40:11---Like a shepherd He will tend his flock,

      in HIS ARMS He will gather the lambs and carry them in His bosom.

I love you and I miss you Mom.

:)