Changes Afoot...

I am feeling lost and alone.

And God, I just want it to be warmer, please.

I don't know where to go, or who to turn to.... so here I am on my blog... a blog no one ever reads or cares about. Or about me.

Three weeks, and a bunch of changes. I hate drama, and now I find myself in a soap opera!

So, last week, on Sunday, I went over to paint S's hallway.  I said, "Hey, how are you?" and she started out with, "I have been fuming all day!"

It's really too torrid to go into all the details, but I felt vomited on.  When I realized there was nothing I could say in defense as she felt it was all "excuses", I turned and walked away.  I left the paint can and the rollers on the shelf by her back door, and I walked out.

She was very passive-aggressive, but she was definitely letting me know she was not happy I was as close as I was. After about 10 minutes, I texted her and said, "I will be moving stuff out tomorrow and through the week.  I have next Sunday and Monday off, should have everything out by next Monday late afternoon.  Will that be ok?"

She replied, "That will be fine. Please leave the house in the condition that you found it."

So I got a storage and started moving my things. I have a lot of things.

I told my boss at work, C., what had transpired and that I planned to move in to the van. I thought I could do it. I trained another week as Assistant Manager.

Today, Saturday, I looked at the forecast, and the temps will be well below freezing for the next two weeks, 18 and 22 degrees. I was struck with feeling that I would be cold, and I was alone and lonely. I didn't feel I could handle that, so I went in and told C. I would have to quit which really made me sad because she had treated me so well. But in honesty, it really is not the job I want to do.

Then I went to my only friends here in this town (he is the dad of landlord, S.) to tell them goodbye. My friend C., told me that S. expected me to come back over and talk about our disagreement. Why would I even think about doing that since she seemed so vehemently against everything I am... that I didn't have a light bulb in the bathroom, for god's sake! (I have a reason for that, but I really don't think it is any of her business!) Why would I even think that she would be reasonable and willing to work things out.

I did think about it one day, going over and asking, "Is this really what you want?" I wondered if I was being prideful for not trying to talk to her. But she is a big girl, and should know better than to spew on someone else and then expect them to return. First, she should be mature enough not to spew in the first place, but then, if she did lose control and realized it later.... shouldn't she be the one to say, "gosh, I was saying stuff I really did not mean".... ?  Otherwise, I only have what she said to me on that afternoon to go by... why would I think otherwise? Right?

So here I am, in tears. Along with this... I have not heard from my bestie in about 8 days, so she does not have a clue what is going on.  And my son has not read my texts yet that I was moving...

Alone. My life. Alone. That in itself is so overwhelming.

Now, I don't know what to do if she does come over and wants to talk about it.  Can I trust her not to pull this crap on me again in a month or two months? No, I probably can't. But I would be able to complete some of the projects and piles I feel I was accomplishing.

Can I go back to my boss and ask for my job back.... can she trust me not to jump ship again? I am not sure that is really fair to her.

Should I consider staying in the house and finding another job? Is this all just about the job? In the meantime, I have strained my back and spent money on a storage place which I don't know will hold all of my stuff here. I got it because I could not make the trip back to Lakeview (3 trips) to get everything back into storage there!

And it is supposed to snow!

I am so tired of the snow and cold.

And I feel it is most unfair to the cats. They were getting depressed in the van, and I have been so happy for them to be able to run around and be warm.

I just want to eat sugar and go to bed and sleep the world away!

But I will pack, and continue the path. I have chosen to return to the Corvallis/Albany area. I have friends there, and a church or two, and I know my way around. It is lower elevation so the temps are a bit warmer... 50s and 40s during the day, and not less than freezing at night. But it is rainy. I am not going to like the rain. I just did not want to be in Oregon for the winter at all, and here I am!  The best part about moving up there is I would be closer to spend what little time I might have with my son when he returns from Sweden for his last term at OSU before he leaves to live and work in Sweden forever. Instead of being 4 hours away.

I have been praying that an answer would come, and today, I felt good about leaving the area.

Lord?  Are you out there?  Help me please.

Well, I Might Could Like It Here...

Klamath. Really? ...

I have been in Klamath Falls for exactly 2 full months yesterday.

I got a call yesterday from Express Temps that Abby's Pizza has accepted me as an Assistant Manager Trainee.

I was not expecting this. No, I take that back. I kinda WAS expecting it because it was not what I really wanted to do. I am not looking forward to working around food. I am not particularly happy right now about working around people. I am not excited.

How do you react, how do you feel, when you have prayed that God would open the right doors for you, but it was not at all what you were hoping for? I feel numb.

I wanted to get a job in bookkeeping... as I think about getting older, and possibly less mobile. I wanted to work in the back of some office. Something I could take to Sweden if I end up moving there someday. As I know I will never be able to actually retire, and I need to be part of the society that gives and not just takes. Per Ben.

But no one would give me the opportunity to be a bookkeeper.

I am sad because I have lost my gypsy ability. Knowing I wouldn't be "here" forever, and able to move to somewhere else as I wanted. Now I am just stuck, tied down. I hate the feeling. I am sad that Thailand is now a whole lot farther away than just next November. I am sad because this just wasn't my plan.

And Klamath Falls? Really? I have been looking around, trying to figure out where I wanted to settle... but I don't think K-Falls is where I wanted to be. I have hated, HATED, the snow and winter. I was already thinking, "I don't want to be here next year!"

But I start next Tuesday. I am making $1.50 less per hour than the toy shoppe. That is because it's going though Express. If I had been hired directly, I would be making the same, and starting benefits. All of that won't begin until I am hired by the pizza company.

So now, to look at the perks...

I am being trained as an Assistant Manager. This is a good title. It will be excellent experience. I will be working 43 hours a week. Good, overtime :) When I am hired, I will start with benefits and a 401K program. If I put in 5%, they will match 4%. That adds up to over $2k a year. I can put in more if I want. A couple years of that and I might have a nice little nest egg.

I just have to adjust my thinking. This must be where God wants me. I need to accept that, and work through my more negative feelings.

I can make this little house my own now, instead of just considering it a parking place. I will have plenty of time to go through my storage and work on projects.

I am thinking three years, but I have a feeling it will be a whole lot longer.

Lord, help me to have a better attitude about Your will for my life :/ Amen.

Our Country in Turmoil.... MORE TO COME

Traveling... MORE TO COME

So the plans are:  Shakespeare play, night out with girls, lunch with hiking friend, birthday with G. and J., van worked on, Lakeview to vote, painting job in Klamath, birthday camping trip....whew!



Ushered for a free ticket for the "The Complete Works of Shakespeare Revised and Abridged in 90 Minutes" at the local theatre in Cannon Beach. My co-worker E. was one of the three actors. It was interesting and I appreciated the time they put ito it

Enjoyed an evening out with my co-workers, E. and K. ...  I think I need fun colored hair also!!

On November 3rd, I had the best FaceTime with B. and Z. while B. opened his birthday box from me We sent kisses and love, but sure do miss those hugs!
  

 

Spent my birthday in St. Helens, Oregon with G. and J. It was way fun! We talked and played several games...

Learned Catan.... Gabe won the first time around. We sell this game in the store for $54, but I found this one at Goodwill for $7 !!  Never opened!

From there, I made my way to a local garage in Gresham on the far side of Portland. I was referred to this place by a guy in Tillamook who said he could recharge my air conditioner. So I had him look it over and also give me an oil change. So he tells me that he doesn't want to put the stuff in the air conditioner reservoir because it's all rusted from a leaking water pump and he is thinking it will all run out. That I should get a new water pump. And then when I tell him I put stop leak in my radiator two years ago, he said I needed to replace the whole system, because that could go at any minute!

Then he sees that I am low on brake fluid and tells me that I have a leak in the rear end. That he could replace a certain part but that would only open up a complete can of worms. He didn't have the parts and would have to order them. He's talking over $1,100 and parts not arriving until Thursday or some crazy thing.

Well, I can't wait...this is like Saturday, and I HAVE to get to Lakeview by Tuesday in order to get my Voter's Ballet at the courthouse...which has been a fiasco in and of itself, and vote in the presidential election!  So I am absolutely terrified of driving the whole entire 300 or so miles to Lakeview because this guy is telling me my brakes will all of a sudden go totally out and the steering will go with it, or that the water will suddenly explode and I will be up the creek without a paddle!

I called "Dan the Van Man" and told him. He asked, "Are your brakes spungy?" No. "Does your water overheat?" No. Well, I think you will do fine, he says. So, I pray for more angels to surround my van, and plan on getting there in one piece!

I overnighted just north of Lakeview where Painted Rock is... where B. and I found the rock with petroglyph, and where G., Bryce and I almost got hit by lightning while looking for a geocache! 

Got to Lakeview safely, got my voting stuff, connected with Dan, who looked everything over and said, "You just got a new water pump, didn't you?" Yes! I had. In Lake Havasu! Which makes me wonder what this guy might have been trying to pull!

(Update June 2017: it has been now about 6 thousand or more miles, and I have not had any problems with either system. Hmmmmm)